Hello everyone, it’s been a while, huh? How have you been? Because me myself… well, I had quite a few rocky weeks and… shall we just make some coffee, sit down and talk??
As you may know, I had been working quite hard to keep my blog and my other platforms both authentic and interesting for you, always doing my best carefully choosing the brands to work with and subjects to bring up. I have to be honest with you, I made some mistakes with my judgement. What I thought would bring you value, turned out to be a great disappointment. It left you bored and probably misled. It left me upset, frustrated, tired, overloaded with work, demotivated and lost.
One morning I woke up, scrolled through my Insta feed and I felt like I was the only person in the world who hasn’t got their shit together. Everyone else seemed to be doing great, showing off their snow-white teeth in perfectly curated smiles. I, on the other hand, felt crap. Completely lost, anxious and far too harsh on myself. I was vulnerable.
I couldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to open my laptop or run an app on my phone. It made me sick. I just felt so incredibly burnt out and empty. ‘Why am I even doing this?’ was the only question haunting me every single day, the one I couldn’t find the answer to. The harder I was trying, the further away from it I was getting, which only made me more frustrated.
After a week offline, I was meant to start feeling great, or so they tell you in those digital detox articles. Well, I didn’t. I started to feel like a failure also as a person. I felt like I had no value to offer, not only here, online, but also in real life. I felt completely useless work-wise and also useless for my friends and family who kept asking what was wrong and I wasn’t able to tell them. I knew something was wrong, very wrong with me and I had no idea what that was. I did not know where to seek help.
After 2 weeks I gave up on looking for the answers and started doing everyday things with no bigger meaning so as not to focus on the state I was in. I read books, watched films, cooked a lot, went out once or twice. I did have some happy moments, I just couldn’t see myself happy in a long run. Something didn’t feel right.
I couldn’t blog, I couldn’t gram, I couldn’t post videos… all these made me feel disgusted. Disgusted with all the lies, all the drama, all those pathetic events going behind the scenes. I’ve never signed up for this.
At the same time, my life without blogging, Instagramming, Youtubing… It felt shallow. It felt as if I lost my identity. As if I lost my voice. I wasn’t myself. I was lied to, I was embarrassed, I was tired, I was upset… but I still loved what I was doing. Coming to that realisation helped me make it through those bad days. I connected the bloody dots (yes, Steve Jobs will always be my hero) and felt relieved. I felt as if a massive burden was lifted up from my shoulders. I was upset by the environment but I still loved the work. And I stopped worrying for once, I knew my crazy obsessions, my hunger, my drive, I knew it would all come back.
And it did. A few days later, scrolling through my news feed I saw a simple picture that suddenly inspired me. And this is how my flow of ideas began, within minutes I went from having no inspiration at all to having entire living room covered with pieces of papers with my notes, sketches, plans. And I felt sooo happy again!
I had been in a desperate need of something to remind myself that I am capable of great things. Because I am, just like everybody else. And coming to that realisation made me super empowered again. So, what can you expect?
I’ve got ideas. I’ve got plans. I want to make each of my platforms both personal and, most of all, interesting for you again.
I’ll be publishing a new blog post every Thursday and uploading a new video every Sunday. As for Instagram, you can expect me to post pictures/stories daily or, sometimes, every other day.
I will also give you an option to subscribe to my blog and send you some free stuff from time to time as a thank you to those of you who do.
Since I want to change a few bits here and there, I will only ask you to give me a bit more time. First of all, because I want to make sure when the things are ready, they are as great as they can be and that also, I can prepare them a bit in advance to have it all under control for once.
Secondly, because it’s my birthday this month and my beautiful friends and family have planned a lot of wonderful things that will allow us to spend some time together so I want to enjoy that and celebrate being with the people I love. And because last year I didn’t do anything nice on my birthday at all, I feel this time it’s kind of alright to let myself get a bit spoiled and enjoy spending time with my herd of nutters. I may document some of those precious moments but I will probably only share them next month as I don’t feel like spending hours editing when my friends are over if that makes sense? Hope you understand! So yeah, I guess April will be the month of changes and preparations with some new content here and there and in May we’ll hopefully see all these things working properly like I wish them to, with regular posts/uploads and hopefully, subjects that are interesting for you. Speaking of which, is there anything in particular you’d like me to prepare? I do have quite a few ideas in my mind but I also want to hear from you so please let me know in the comments! Thanks a lot! M x