2018 Goals- The Truth Behind My First Youtube Video

Hi everyone! Today is the day I’ve dreamed about for so long (and no, not talking about walking down the aisle or giving a birth in case that’s what you expect to hear after such a pledge)- my first YouTube video went online! And let me tell you, neither my day nor the video is even remotely close to what I imagined. Well, ok, I didn’t expect to become Zoella on day one (did I?!) but I didn’t quite expect my video to be so painful to watch either! Let’s be honest, it is oh so embarrassingly poor indeed and I would love to tell you it took me 5 minutes of my lunch break to create… The reality though, is slightly different. That short, crap video meant long days of recording (and getting mad over natural vs artificial light situation which you can obviously spot there) and long nights of editing. So you know, after all the effort I put in it it’s kind of disappointing to know the final result being such a fiasco. And here I want pay my respects to all the YouTubers in the world- I don’t think you guys get enough credit for what you do at all!

People have the impression it’s all so easy and effortless, my goodness how wrong they are! I think all those who criticise should try and create a video of themselves speaking to the camera first. As the camera is a nasty thing- it makes you realise how fat you actually are, what a weird colour your foundation is, how step-on-a-gay-hamster your voice sounds, what ugly faces you constantly make, how non-existent your diction is and how the foreign language schools should give you all your money back immediately. It tells you all the uncomfortable things that you don’t really want to know about yourself. Sucks, right?

Having said that, I also feel the sense of achievement. Do I feel the embarrassment? Of course I do. At the end of the day, it’s never easy to face your demons and to face them so publicly hurts twice as much. Why did I decide to still put it online then? Because having my YouTube channel is still a dream of mine. Because I can see the top of the mountain as well as the steep, rocky road to get there. Because I want to learn and develop, both as an online creator and as a human being and this is what I want to wish all of us this year- let’s have the courage to follow our dreams and never be ashamed that we decided to start. Happy New Year you gorgeous creatures! x